


turn this darkness into sparks like blazing hearts (i'll tell you darling)

by coffee_music_books



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Like quite a bit, WARNING that Waverly cries, but like, canon-divergent, crying Dom is like the worst thing ever, how would you react to feeling betrayed AND alone like that, if that mental image is too much for you i understand, poor baby Waverly, the angst is Waverly's, this is mostly a drabble, this is your warning, you can skip the first part of the story if you must
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-10 06:37:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11686095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_music_books/pseuds/coffee_music_books
Summary: Waverly rails against it, fear and anger and scorching sadness swirling in her chest with blazing fury.ORWaverly reacts to finding the envelope, and what happens between her leaving the bar and reading that piece of paper.





	turn this darkness into sparks like blazing hearts (i'll tell you darling)

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "Gold Dust" by BANNERS. He's really good ya'll should give him a listen!

Waverly doesn't read it right away. She's drunk--actually, she's pretty wasted, Ward would've been embarrassed--by the time she manages to get back to the homestead. She stashes the envelope she took from Nicole's purse-- _her_ envelope that Nicole had been  _hiding_ from her--in the bottom drawer of her desk, slamming it shut with a firm kick. 

 

She tears into her clothing, yanking the knit crop top off of her body the way she used to pull at her clothes in the throws of a temper tantrum as a small child. She feels helpless and angry and betrayed, and the alcohol wraps her in a warm blanket of exhaustion and dizziness that she leans into. She brushes her teeth twice, hoping it'll wash the horrible taste of hangover away preemptively and knowing it won't. 

 

Waverly's body is wilting as she stumbles from the bathroom towards her bed, yanking heavily on the strands of her braid to free her hair. She pulls too hard on a piece and winces from the pain. 

 

It's enough to make her eyes burn and well. She wipes at her cheeks clumsily as she fumbles for the string on her bedside lamp, sinking the room into blessed darkness. A whining, broken cry pulls from Waverly's chest as she sinks into bed. She buries her head in her pillow and pulls it hard over her face, sobbing into the cloth and soaking it with her tears. She digs her fingers into the material and scratches the pillowcase with her nails, drawing it into her fist. Waverly rails against it, fear and anger and scorching sadness swirling in her chest with blazing fury.

 

Her groans and wheezes are muffled by her pillow and she leans into it, raising her volume to a near yell. She doesn't know if Wynonna is home, doesn't particularly care, and she ignores the persistent buzzing of her cell phone still in her purse across the room. She know's it's probably Nicole or Rosita or both concerned and confused and wanting to know where she is, if she made it home okay.

 

She knows she'll be given hell for ignoring them in the morning.

 

She doesn't particularly care.

 

She sinks into her mattress and her solitude and pulls her comforter higher up on her body and cries herself to sleep.

 

 

* * *

  

 

Waverly wakes up with cotton-mouth and a  _splitting_ headache. The sun is shining through the curtains on her windows and she's cranky about it, grumbling as she tosses a throw blanket over the curtain rod and sinking the room back into merciful darkness once again. The floor is cold beneath her feet and she walks on the balls of her feet, an old habit she carried over from ballet class.

 

Her eyes and lips feel puffy from crying and her throat is hoarse from the force of her sobs. Waverly gingerly presses the heel of her palm against her forehead to ease the throbbing behind it and sits on her bed. She's lucky--no nausea from the tequila shots--but her head will be a constant ache today, she knows. 

 

There's a water bottle resting on her nightstand that she doesn't remember grabbing from the kitchen. When she grabs for it and pulls it towards her, a note flutters off the surface to the ground. Waverly watches it fall with a question in her eyes, but focuses first on unscrewing the cap and sucking down the water.

 

 _Hey babygirl_ it reads in Wynonna's near-illegible scrawl.  _Didn't hear you come in last night, but you smell like a bar. Drink this ASAP_ _. Love, your hero_.

 

Waverly rolls her eyes--then thinks better of doing that more than once as the room spins with them--and finishes the water in one go. She wraps her bathrobe around her body and slides slippers over her feet before padding into the bathroom to brush her morning breath away.

 

She sees her puffy, blotchy face in the mirror and winces, reaching up and poking at the bags under her eyes gently. Her nose is bright red and her hair is matted to her forehead, and she doesn't hesitate before jumping into the shower--because, well, gross.

 

Waverly showers more quickly than usual. She notes the time when she plugs in her phone, 8:42am, and doesn't unlock it to check the 17 Missed Calls, 3 Voicemails, 22 unread iMessages from Nicole, Rosita, and Wynonna.

 

She dresses quickly, sliding her fuzzy-socked feet into snowboots and wrapping herself in a scarf and her puffy blue winter coat. She does everything she needs to do to leave for the morning, including brewing herself and Wynonna some coffee, before stopping in front of her desk and frowning.

 

The drawer looks bigger, heavier, and darker than it ever has before. 

 

Waverly's keys jingle in her coat pocket as she bounces one of her feet, fidgeting, and chews on her bottom lip. Her headache is now a distant but present throb in the back of her head and her stomach churns. She closes her eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath, before reaching out and pulling open the drawer too quickly.

 

It opens with a bang that rattles the whole desk and sends the envelope bouncing around inside it. When Waverly picks it up, it feels hot and heavy between her fingers. There are crinkles and folds in it from how she roughly handled it last night, and she feels like they're almost glaring at her. She hears  _coward_ and  _fraud_ in the rustling papers as she tucks it under her arm. She pulls her cell phone from the charging dock and walks purposefully and briskly towards her car. 

 

The sun bounces off of the snowfall with blinding and unforgiving brightness. Waverly covers her squinting eyes with a hand and trudges carefully to her car, stumbling a few times and nearly falling twice.

 

She drives with the radio off this morning. The world feels silent, coiled with anticipation like something big is about to change, and she can feel it settle in the pit of her stomach.

 

At 9:07am her phone rings again. The contact photo Waverly assigned to Nicole, a selfie of the two of them, lights up the screen. Her smile is joyful and large and carefree with her laughter. It's a real smile, her eyes crinkled in the corners. Nicole isn't looking at the camera but at Waverly, and there's adoration melting off of her face in waves. Waverly thinks they both look beautiful and in love.

 

Love.

 

Waverly feels the hazy memories of last night appear in her mind. The edges are unfocused and fuzzy and she feels like she's watching a movie and not a memory. She remembers, suddenly, a hushed and desperate admission piercing everything. 

 

 _Because I love you_.

 

 _I love you_.

 

Nicole had told Waverly that she loves her; and Waverly hadn't said anything back.

 

Well, that's not entirely true.

 

Waverly told her to  _save it_.

 

Waverly watches the phone in the passenger's seat finally stop buzzing. The screen goes black before brightening again to a picture of her and Wynonna with notifications striped across it.  _1 New Voice Message_. She can guess who it's from.

 

She parks her car on the side of the road overlooking the frozen lake and lets the engine idle. She picks up her phone and finally unlocks it and taking in all of the red bubbles indicating notifications. She reads through Rositia's texts making sure she got home safe, Wynonna's texts about Dolls sleeping over and  _don't walk around naked babygirl he's already seen all of Haughtstuff_.

 

She listens to Nicole's first two voicemails apologizing and begging her to answer the phone; her third one telling Waverly to take all of the time she needs, Nicole will be here if she wants to talk. She hesitates before selecting her fourth voice message, from 9:08am this morning.

 

It starts off with Nicole clearing her throat.  _Um, hi, baby. It's kinda early, like nine ay-em, and I don't know if you're awake yet._ She pauses, Waverly hears her shaky breath.  _Listen, Waverly. I know what I did was unfair. Actually, technically it was illegal, but that's not really the point. I'm sorry that I played overprotective-girlfriend on you. I'm sorry that I did it with this thing that's so important to you. I'm sorry if you feel like you can't depend on me now. I'm sorry I made you feel betrayed. I'm sorry I keep saying I'm sorry_. She lets out a humorless laugh that makes Waverly's chest ache.  _But, well, I love you, and I'd still really like to be a part of this road you need to go down, if you'll still have me. I love you no matter what the test results say, who your parents are or aren't, and I think I always will._

 

Waverly's phone beeps, the message over, and she wipes a single tear from her cheek.

 

She clicks over to her text conversation with Nicole and taps  _Share my location_ before locking her phone and waiting.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Nicole shows up less than fifteen minutes later and Waverly still hasn't gotten out of her car. She's sitting in the driver's seat, the engine finally off, staring at the unopened manila envelope propped against the steering wheel. She doesn't think she's blinked in well over a minute.

 

Nicole taps on the passenger's side window three times and Waverly startles. Waverly nods her head for Nicole to get in. "It's unlocked," she says, unsure if Nicole can hear her.

 

Nicole opens the door and gets into the car. 

 

It's silent for a while and the air vibrates with their nerves. Nicole watches Waverly's face carefully--Waverly can see it out of the corner of her eye--and her fingers twitch and fiddle in her lap. Waverly stares and stares at the envelope in her lap. She feels a pit in her stomach, the feeling she gets when everything seems like it's about to change. She knows she'll never be able to unsee what she reads on these pages. She knows she'll never be able to take back the lies fed to her as a child--her parentage, the family legacy she willingly embraced that now may not be hers--and she's terrified. She thinks of the family she had, the life she lived and the tragedies she overcame because of her faith in them, and she feels nauseous.

 

She doesn't move for a while, and Nicole asks no questions. They sit in the car as the cabin air grows colder in deafening silence.

 

Waverly doesn't count the minutes that go by or the heartbeats in her ears to know that time has past. "Thanks for coming," she murmurs. She still doesn't look at Nicole's face, but she sees her body jolt, startled by the sound of Waverly's voice.

 

"Of _course_ , Waves," Nicole says.  She picks at a loose thread on her sleeve. "Look, Waverly--"

 

Waverly cuts her off. "No." She shakes her head, blinking back burning tears that threaten to well in her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it yet."

 

Nicole nods. "Sure. Whatever you want, Waverly." It's soft and careful and said with empathy and conviction, but it brings Waverly back to another car ride, the same words uttered in frustration and disappointment, and Waverly's resolve buckles.

 

Nicole must hear her sniffle. "Baby," she murmurs, placing a palm against the center console. A tear falls down Waverly's cheek, and she quickly lifts a hand to wipe it furiously away.

 

"I don't--I don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone else for this stuff right now." Waverly's voice cracks, and her shoulders tense. She curls her body inward, desperately trying to protect what little resolve she has left. 

 

"Waverly," Nicole says. Her voice is desperate and strained, and she finally chances placing a hand on Waverly's. It makes her flinch, but Nicole holds strong. "You don't have to do  _anything_. You are who you are, and it doesn't matter what any stupid paper says."

 

Waverly shakes her head as the floodgates finally give way. Tears stream down her cheeks. "You don't _understand_ ," she says hoarsely. "I was the  _unwanted_ _one_. I didn't  _fit_. If this is why Willa and Daddy hated me so much--" Waverly pauses. It's not news, not by a long shot, but she rarely says so out loud and it brings a fresh sting, reopening old wounds. "If this is why they hated me so much, I have to know. If this says what I think it's going to say, I can never break the curse, and  _I have to know_." She rubs at her cheeks in frustration, blurring tear tracks into her skin. "I have to know," Waverly says again quietly.

 

Nicole looks from the envelope to Waverly's face. Waverly glances at Nicole's eyes and sees  _pity_ and she feels disgust. "Don't look at me like that," she says. Her voice is cold, beating at Nicole like a punch, and Waverly sees the moment it hits its mark and feels sickly satisfied. She's still angry, still feeling betrayed, but she needed someone,  _anyone_ to be with her for this moment that feels so huge.

 

"Like what?" Nicole murmurs, trying and failing to recover from her hurt.

 

"Like I'm going to break at any moment."

 

Nicole sighs. She doesn't respond at first, wisely. Waverly is too smart to swallow  _I wasn't_ as an appropriate excuse, and Nicole recognizes it. Waverly glances up at Nicole's face warily, guiltily, trying to gauge her thoughts. "I'm sorry," Nicole whispers, before speaking up. "Waverly, that piece of paper may change what you thought you knew. And that's important." She pauses and swallows a breath, and it's a good start. Waverly's body softens its angles in the driver's seat, turning so that her shoulders are facing Nicole just a bit more. "And maybe, maybe the Earp curse is  _that_ specific." Waverly winces.

 

"But you're also smart,  _so_ smart, and kind, and  _good._ And whatever this stuff means," Nicole waves a hand in the general direction of the envelope. "We'll find a way. We always do. And I'll love you and protect you no matter what it takes. I've never, ever met anyone quite like you, Waverly Earp, and dammit if I'm going to let you go so easily." Waverly can hear a smile in her voice, and when she looks up, she sees those beautiful dimples, deep and strong, in Nicole's cheeks. She feels some of the tightness leave her chest, relief settling on her body like a cool blanket.

 

She rubs the envelope between her thumb and forefinger, feeling the ridges of the paper inside and hearing the material crinkle. She looks at Nicole, _really_ looks at her. She never wants to forget what Nicole looks like, with love in her eyes and strength in the curve of her jaw. She looks at Waverly like she's the sun, and Waverly desperately drinks in some of that strength. She shifts in her seat and puts her fingers, finally, on the door handle, watching Nicole glance at them and give a subtle nod. "I think I need to do this alone," Waverly murmurs. She takes a steadying breath and looks at Nicole in the eyes.

 

"Whatever you need, baby," Nicole says, like it's the easiest thing in the world.

 

Waverly opens the door and trudges through the snow, looking out over the small pond. She remembers being here as a child and nearly dying. She grimaces and squints against the sharp glare of the sun, blinking and shielding her eyes. She thinks this might be the place of her first memory--she was only three when Willa tossed her stuffed bunny onto the thin ice and ran away--and she thinks it's fitting, like she's coming full circle.

 

She takes a deep breath.  _You can do this_ _, baby_ she hears in her mind in Nicole's voice, and she feels her trembling fingers steady and calm. She opens the envelope and pulls out a stack of paper--

 

\--and her world flips on its axis.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to be honest--I've been sitting on this fic for a while, but basically this is the reaction that I thought Waverly would have. I wrote this before the Rosita-Waverly kiss aired.


End file.
